What to put in the envelope at a toi
Nobody tells you the amount. Everybody knows it. A short guide to the unspoken price of an invitation.
Zholdosh A. · 12 Feb 2023 · Issue 132 min read
The rule of the toi: you give what the family gave you last time, plus a little. If you have never been to their house, ask your mother or your neighbour, quietly, and she will say "50 for a friend, 100 for a relative, 200 if it is your own nephew".
Add: a close cousin 100-150. A boss 50 and a good handshake. A neighbour who sent you a plate of plov when you were ill, 80. If you come with a husband and two children, the envelope is for the family, not per head.
If you cannot afford it, do not skip the toi: come, eat, say the right words, and put a smaller envelope. Nobody opens the envelopes at the table, but the host's mother knows from the weight. A small envelope with a warm face is forgiven. An empty chair is remembered.
1 Comment
The weight, Zholdosh! Yes! My mother-in-law knew them all by feel. She was never wrong.
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